My life, my stories...

We love and we lie. And it sucks because you lied.. I tasted it in your mouth and you said it was not what I was thinking. I believed. You lied because you don’t want me to get mad. But that reason is not acceptable. I never asked for anything except for you to take care of your health, your body. I just wanted you to stop that habit which is totally bad for you, for your body. You stopped and I thought it’s for a lifetime. And then you go back to that same old habit. You say you’re stressed but you didn’t say it helps. I never know since I have never experienced being too engaged with that habit. I was more stressed to know you’re killing yourself little by little. Should I get a taste of that habit to help me? You are a nurse and you know how it can affect you. And I just thought you’re not taking care of yourself. If you love people, you would love yourself, because you want to be with them for as long as possible. I love you this much and so I want you to stop. But I thought that maybe when you love someone, you should accept them as a whole and not try to change them. You learn to love them along with their habits, good or bad. And maybe this is my problem because I cannot accept that habit you have for years, which is killing you. The thing is, I never wanted you to change. I never asked you that. You can see me as selfish but I’ve seen a lot of relatives died because of that same habit and I never wanted that to happen to you too. Their families, their wives, they all suffered and was devastated for their loss. All I want is for you to take care of yourself. All I want is for you to live longer. All I want is for us to grow old together. All I want is to love someone who takes care of himself just because he knows I get worry if he doesn’t. I just love you and I just want to you stop killing yourself with every puff of those sticks…

Long Distance Relationship 30-Day Challenge: Day 11 to 15

Day 11: Pick one thing you miss (I know there are 19238923842039402394 things) and describe it in detail.

• What I miss most about him is that he makes me feel like I’m a woman that  should be treated with respect. He’s very gentleman and I never imagined that someone, at this time, can still be so gentleman like that. He would open the doors for me, kiss me in the forehead, hug me tight when I cry and he would tell me he loves me more often than I do. I just miss him, the man that made me fall in love like this over and over again.

Day 12: How would you define love?

• Love is the only thing you are sure of when you feel it. Love makes you crazy and do everything for the one you love. Love makes you brave and strong. It can make you feel all the extreme emotions in the world.

Day 13: What do you think is the hardest thing about distance?

• It’s actually the fact that you don’t interact face to face and so whenever you communicate with each other, sometimes, you are not sure if the person is already mad or annoyed or something by reading the text or by just hearing the the voice over the phone. There is always a high tendency of misunderstanding because you have different interpretations of the sent message or the said words. It’s just a matter of being twice as patient and understanding as you are to make it work.

Day 14: Describe a moment you had with him/her last time you were together. (If you haven’t met, describe how the perfect moment would be)

• The last time he visited me was not all purely fun. We were together for four days but before he left, we had this little argument which was resolved at once. I cried but more than that we had so much laughs. We watched The Avengers, walk around the city, eat our favorite food, lay down and cuddle - simple things that can make couples happy. What I remember most was him being at my side as I received this ‘letter’ from our university’s office. It is a terrible letter which I can’t elaborate further. That letter can change my whole life and it is terrifying. I’m just thankful that he was with me as I cried and told me things that really touched me. I know at that time, I was not alone and he will be with me through all the things I need to go through.

Day 15: Favourite love (LDR or not) song?

• For an LDR song, that would be ‘Last Time Together’ by Chris Brown but I also love to listen to Chris Brown’s ‘Another You’ when I miss him. Big fan of that artist. HAHA. He has this very sexy voice. =)) Anyway, the song ‘My Valentine’ was the one he chose to be our theme song, so that would also be one of my favorites. 

Long Distance Relationship 30-Day Challenge: Day 6 to 10

Day 6: What is the most random thing you know about him/her? and vice versa?

• He’s always hungry yet every time we’ll eat, he gets full already without finishing his food. He has this really terrible metabolism! =))

Day 7: How do you communicate with each other?

• At present, text and call everyday. We used to chat/video chat when he had his internet before.

Day 8: Favourite thing you’ve given him/her?

• That would be the gray shirt that he really likes to wear. 

Day 9: Favourite thing she/he has given you?

• A lot! But maybe the FLOWERS, our commitment ring, and the stuffed toy which we consider our baby. :)))

Day 10: Favourite thing about him/her?

• A lot too! He’s a gentleman and he treats me the way nobody has ever done before. And I think that is just one of the many! :)

I think I’m gonna lose my sanity.

There’s TOO MUCH going on right now. Aside from the Corona Trial, there are more problems I would have to face. There are lots of questions in my mind and I think that is the exact reason why lately, I was not able to sleep at night. I find myself sleeping when the sun rises already. 

First, the case. And that I don’t think I would be able to elaborate since some of my followers know me personally and it is not something that has to be divulged to millions of online users that can read my posts. I’m not sure if I would be able to enroll this coming semester or rather, if I would be able to enroll at the same school I have been attending for three long and hard years. I just want to make them suffer for doing this to me. I just don’t want to see them anymore. I just want to get my life back, the certainties I have before. It’s never easy to be asked by my father “Kailan enrollment? Makakaenroll ka ba?” without any hint of the probable answer. It’s just a pain in my chest every night when I cry and thought of the things I have been through in college and the chance that I might need to restart all over again. This would be such big disappointment to my parents, to my family, to myself. 

I would have to look for some temporary shelter during the hearing and all and up until now, I still don’t have an idea where I can probably stay. I don’t even know when this thing would start and each day makes me crazier than ever thinking about it. 

Aside from that, my father has been having a problem with his eyes and they would have to look into it if it can be cured by medicine or surgery must be done. He’s getting old and I know that might be the signs his body is already taking its toll on him. I just want to graduate and help him with all the family needs and again, I’m not sure if I will be able to do that this year or for the couple of years ahead. I just wish he’ll be fine soon since he has this tough and heavy work for his age. 

My relationship with my boyfriend has also been ‘not okay’. We were not fighting or anything but we would always have these little arguments every time. And for all I know it is because of my swinging moods. I would often pour all the anger, the sadness, and the rage to him. Been thankful though since he’s very patient about it and he understands me more than I expected. I think I just have to minimize everything especially the drama and the rage pouring down all on him. 

I lost my job which is really terrible since it gives me money to buy all the stuff I want. And it is where I get to pay for my internet plan. Now, I am looking for some new jobs but I still don’t know what particularly to get since I am mot sure of school. I just want to have my job back but I don’t think it’s possible. 

Just two months ago, I thought my life was perfect. I had the best time ever and everything is in balance. Now, all of a sudden my life’s fucked up and I am no more sure of anything. I just want to end all this as soon as possible. I just want to get the life I have few months ago. 

At least now the case of Corona is already done as I write. That’s one problem down. :|

Long Distance Relationship 30-Day Challenge: Day 1 to 5

Day 1: Your name and his/her name

• Me: Ma. Arianne Fatima Flameño Gapac
• Him: Jameson Lazaro Fronda

So, I will be taking this Long Distance Relationship 30-Day Challenge. Let this day be the start! And since I’m too impatient, I might answer five questions each day! :)

There are only very few people who would dare to go with you through your worst times, your ugliest moods, and most negative thoughts. Thank you for being one of those people, for always reminding me that I can get this over with, that I can make the best out of the worst, that I should always be happy and positive and that I should never forget to pray. I love you so much. I miss you. Happy 17th mahal. :)

Hindi ako nag-antay buong araw, para lang makatanggap ng ganyang pananalita. Sobra ka naman.